Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE)? |
|
Classes News Search Conferences Publications |
|
|
|
The Key to Raising a Self-Confident Baby Respect. Honor. Esteem. These words aren't usually associated with young babies. Yet it is widely agreed that these concepts are vital later in life. A child's personality is largely formed in the first three years. Her outlook on the world is being shaped. Why not engage in a respectful relationship with your child as soon as possible? The benefits will be long-lasting. What does respect mean, in terms of parents and children? It means accepting, enjoying, and loving your child as she is and not expecting her to do what she cannot do. It means allowing your child the time, the space, and the love and support to be herself and to discover the world in her own unique way. It means trying to understand her point of view. To respect your child is to believe in her competence and see her as dependent on you rather than helpless. It is to accept and support both her dependence and independence, based on the developmental stage she is in. It is love plus consideration, treat-ing your child as you would treat an honored guest. To respect your child is to create a little distance so that you refrain from in-terfering with her experience of encountering life. Respect means setting boundaries for your child and for your-self as a parent, and enforcing these boundaries. It is letting your child know your expectations of her behavior so that she can coop-erate and, thus, respect you. Respect means taking care of your own needs as well as hers. It is nurturing and honoring yourself. RIE's respectful approach encourages a child's authenticity, or genuineness, which means encouraging her to be honest abouther feelings. It tells a child, "to thine own self be true." Be who you are. It's an ongoing life struggle. No society allows total hon-esty, so we must all wear masks and learn to pretend at times. People lose touch with their real selves. That's too high a price to pay to fit in. You may wonder how to encourage the spirit of authenticity. I say simply, let your child be. Spend time sitting back and observ-ing her. See who she is and what her needs are. Don't expect her to do what she is not ready or able to do. Let her crawl until she can, on her own, take her first steps. Don't encourage your child to smile when she doesn't feel like smiling. If she is sad, let her cry. Don't expect or demand behavior that is not genuine. Rather, value what she does. Children are often expected to "behave" rather than be who they are. In many situations people unwittingly teach children how to be less than honest. When a child cries, she is not asked, "What happened?" but is usually told, "You're okay." We do this as a society. The message is: if you are not okay, keep it to yourself. Often, too, with children, conformity, rather than honesty, is en-couraged. I would like to see children feel free to express their emotions and, as they grow, learn how to control their impulses. ISBN # 0-471-17883-7 Copyright ? 1998 by Magda Gerber
and Allison Johnson
Crying Is Your Child's Language Crying is a child's language. It is her way of communicating her needs to her parents. Every average, healthy child cries. It is the way a baby expresses her feelings and she should be allowed to do so. Rather than trying to stop your child from crying by distracting her, try to figure out why she is crying so that you are able to help her. Think of crying as her way of communicating with you. I feel a baby must never be told not to cry or be distracted from crying, even if listening to it is difficult for the parent. I often say to parents that if you tell your child not to cry you better set aside lots of money to send her to Primal Scream Therapy when she grows up. People go to therapy because they no longer trust how they feel, thinking, "I feel desperate but maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm okay after all." Parents have asked me, if crying is a child's language, isn't she telling us to do something? My answer is, not necessarily. It's different from when a grown-up cries. It's the baby's mode of self-expression. Since an infant cannot talk, crying is the only way she can express her feelings or discomfort. Babies also cry to discharge energy. They don't run and play as older children do. Rather than hushing a crying baby or telling her she's okay, a better response would be to say, "I hope or I wish you would be okay," or "I hear you crying. I hope I will soon understand why so I can help," or "How can I help you? What do you need? Are you tired? Are you hungry?" It's painful to listen to a crying baby. Grown-ups tend to overreact to a child's cry. Why? Because crying often stirs up painful memories of our own childhood, churning up issues of abandonment and fear. Perhaps as babies or young children we were not allowed to cry and were distracted or reproached when we did. Our child's tears may trigger in us these buried memories of rage, helplessness, or terror, taking us back to those early years. Our baby's message may then become muddled in our own issues. Try to listen to your baby to hear what she is saying. In time you will build a little tolerance and figure out why she's crying. The cry slowly becomes recognizable as the hungry cry or the tired cry. After differentiating between the cries you can decide if you need to do something for her or not. ISBN # 0-471-17883-7 Copyright ? 1998 by Magda Gerber
and Allison Johnson
The following are the basic principles of the RIE philosophy. The authors
believe that adhering to these principles promotes a respectful approach to raising your
child:
|
|
? Copyright Resources for Infant Educarers, 2004
All Rights Reserved |
Excerpt from the chapter titled "Respect"
RIE: